signedyas

‘Cos Friendster Blog just doesn’t cut it anymore.

My new blog’s here.

So I went to Penang for a
night.

I love that island. Way too much.

Totally random I swear, it wasn’t planned. Found out there
was an award thing going on, so Mom went, why don’t you just take a bus
yourself?

Yeah. I didn’t suggest it or anything. But hey, grab the
opportunities you get yeah?

So basically when I went all I knew was where I was gonna
stay. Had no plans with any of my friends, none of them, with the exception of
Lina, knew I was gonna be there. Stayed over at my mom’s friends place, she’s awesome,
and her daughters are too. Nice awesome comfy house with a view to kill. You
could see Penang Hill! Not much high rises in Penang
so I can see the sky, oh my lord that was great. The fresh air, the clean
water… I’ve missed that. Totally hope I wasn’t too troublesome, they fed me
incessantly. 

The award thing was at Dewan Sri Pinang, so I walked over to
the esplanade opposite Padang Kota Lama for a bit. The old buildings are so
beautiful I never get tired of looking at it. The Town Hall is wicked and I
thank God I had the privilege of going in there once. The smell of the sea, and
the sight, it’s like never ending… it’s just so my thing, you know? Laid backed
and chilled. Oh yeah checked out the cenotaph too, it’s so sad how we only have
one, we should have more.

Did I mention that I love Penang?

Met a huge amount of friends at the award ceremony, it was
super long, and it started at 4.30 PM, I know, what kind of an official
function starts in the evening? Anyway it was great seeing everyone, and hey,
next week they’ll all be flocking to KL for studies so we’ll see each other
soon yeah?

I’m still wondering where the Federal Government got the
funds to give 250 students RM500 each. But oh wells, money is money and I won’t
complain.

So after that Qisti and I walked over to Bayview.

Penang town’s an awesome sight when you’re walking around;
it’s full of heritage buildings. Love it. Anywho met up with Carol (in her
backless sexay dress) and her lovely friends, who were all dolled up for prom. Man
I miss that girl way too much.  Had dinner
with Qisti, at Sup Hameed, famous for its Sup Torpedo. Google it. I dare you. Oh
yeah wanted to check out Francis Light’s graveyard too, but it was chained up. And
someone chickened out. God knows who.

Then we crashed prom. At E&O.

Wasn’t planned I swear. We had to pass the key to Qisti’s
sister, so we just decided to hang out for a while. Met Ada Ho, like wtf? So
totally unexpected but awesome nonetheless.

Had a whole lotta nasi kandar too, thanks to Uncle Zainuddin
and Aunty Fatimah. But it’s super yummy though and yeah. I miss Penang food. I miss Penang, period. It was just for one night, but I was totally contented. Met everyone I wanted
to, ate everything I wanted to, and walked around where I wanted to. Everything
was just smooth.

Here’s to many more trips up to Penang. Next time in a huge group pulak, okay?

So I’ve listened, and read, about
ten different opinions about the price of oil going up. Was it necessary? Maybe.
But there were things that the government should’ve considered before
announcing the increase.

Zaid Ibrahim once said, “If you
want to take out a mechanism in a system, you must build another one, a better
one, to replace it.” Well he was talking about freedom of speech but it applies
here as well. The least our government could’ve done was improve the public
transport system, before increasing our oil prices by 40%. We can’t afford
that. We’re pigeon-holed in our own lifestyle of taking oil for granted. That’s
the cruel part of the whole she-bang. This was extremely drastic. They could’ve made Malaysia a greener country to live in first. Have more buses on the road. More pedestrian walks. Have
bicycle lanes or something. People living in KL are pretty lucky because of the
trains, but what about other states?

The thing about increasing oil
prices is that it will create a domino effect. First, the oil price is
increased, next its daily goods, cement prices, electrical tariffs, water
tariffs, so on and so forth. And with the food prices going up globally… It
will definitely affect the food and beverage business, or any business in fact,
and I’m guessing lots of stores will have to close shop pretty soon. Yeah, that
will do wonders for our economy.

And when we talk about how other countries,
like say America and the UK,are paying
through their noses for gasoline, just remember they make three times more than
an average Malaysian. And we are an oil-producing country. PETRONAS is drilling Malaysia’s
oil. Our oil. The profits should go back to subsidizing our petrol oil. So why aren’t
they doing so? Isn’t it our right to know where the money goes? A certain MP
said in Parliament that “All the profits that PETRONAS got are now used to look
for other places to drill for oil, because our oil reserves are drying up.” Really
now. Do we actually have proof of that?  ‘Cos
yeah, PETRONAS is totally being open about their doings. 

‘Perhaps 60% of the of todays oil price is just pure speculation’

Just a ‘lil something that I thought
I should share with y’all. Make your own conclusions. 

I just wish the Government just
thought this through before making a decision. There are just too many flaws,
and it’s not helping the public. In fact, it looked like the government wasn’t
even thinking about us.

One thing that might come out of
this is that, we Malaysians would be forced to change our lifestyles, and make
it greener. That is definitely a good thing. But I suppose it’s easy for me to
be pragmatic about it, since where I stay has pretty good public transport
system and I have the luxury of not having to pay for petrol. Yet.

So here’s to hoping the Government starts
thinking in our favor.

Like, word, I am restless to the
point of non-contentment. One minute I’m typing this out thinking about the
Democratic primaries, next one I’m watching it while I’m reading Atonement. It’s
like I have ADD or something. The only time I’m really in the moment is when I drive,
‘cos hell man, that takes a whole load of concentration right there.

I’m probably just bored outta my eyeballs.

So I was just thinking right, maybe
I was a hippie in my past life. But I don’t believe in past lives so that
sentence is practically redundant.

Anywho, I’ll be furthering my
studies in  Canada next year. I’m just grateful I even got the scholarship, so you know. No complaints
there. It’ll be super cold though, and I’ll need like a suitcase full of
Zyrtec. Allergy meds, people. Oh and a whole lotta mittens and earmuffs and
coats and whatever essentials I’ll need anyway. Considering Canada’s weather is sliiightly colder than Malaysia’s, eh?

Oh yeah, I’ll be taking Economics. Numbers.
Yeehaw.

So, is anyone really surprised that
Barack Obama is the Democratic Candidate for the Race to The White House?

With his eloquence and talk about
change, about fixing things, about improving the quality of life, about
stopping the 3 trillion dollars war, which in his words, is “a war that isn’t
making America a safer place”, he clinched it. By a long shot.

McCain’s gotta step up his game now;
Obama’s practically the new Martin Luther King, Jr. Except he can actually make
the change, instead of just wishing it.

Alright. I am so glad I didn’t miss
his victory speech.

History was made, people.

Seriously, what is Hillary Clinton
thinking? Not conceding defeat; that’s just plain wrong. Not suspending her
campaign; that is also wrong. Although I think none of us are really surprised
that she did that. Still. Alienating the millions who voted for her just
because she can’t stand the fact she didn’t win; that’s plain selfishness. Politics
is not about an individual; it’s for an entire nation. Sore losers are weird.

I applaud Obama for having the
decency to praise her. If I was her, I’d be embarrassed after listening to him
speaking highly of her after her defiant speech.

November 2^nd, baby. That’s
when it all boils down. McCain vs. Obama. Red vs. Blue.

You know what I was thinking. I
mean being the President of America is great and all, with you know, leading
the most influential country in the world. You know what else is awesome?

The fact that the President gets to
see what’s inside Area 51.

I’m in my house + garage rock phase
now. No not combined, although it’d probably be friggen awesome to mash the two
genres up. If I could do some recording now, those would probably be the styles
of music I’d be making. And I can groove to some rnb now too, yeeah I remember
your squeal of horror Carol. “Yasmin! (cue punctuation) what is wrong with
you!” Working in Tower has spoiled me. Or unrestricted me. Whichever sounds
better, pick and choose.

Okay you know what, I’ve been
listening to all my music, and I realize soul music and awesome arse acoustics
are the only things that soothe me.

My guitar’s my best friend now,
even if I can’t play for shiz.

Yeah I don’t know why I’m writing
this way, I’m too lazy to be all proper, seems inhuman sometimes.

On a more serious note;

I’m planning on doing some indie
documentary stuff on our youth culture. As in, Malaysia’s youth culture. Basically
it’s just a project to know what the Y generation gives a crap about.

I was watching An Inconvenient
Truth the other day, and I remembered bringing the DVD to school and I thought
it would’ve had a great impact, you know ‘cos basically it’s showing that the
earth is dying (with proof) and we should do our part in making sure that it
can sustain us.

Oh, and please stop talking about
the political power play that Al-Gore’s trying to pull, it’s the message you
should care about.

Okay, back to the point.

So I was just wondering, out of all
the 300+ people who’ve watched this in my high school, how many of them
actually followed through with it?

And I remember people from my own
class sleeping when we put this on. Like it wasn’t their problem. Or their
responsibility.

And I remember telling someone I
know that I’m going green and she’s like “Yasmin, you are so lame!”

Uh huh.

So yeah, I don’t really know what our
generation gives a crap about. Clothes, shoes, hangin’ out, money, brands,
being famous, is that about it?

So yeah, the plan’s to be all
self-righteous, stop youths in the streets and ask them questions that matter, in hopes that maybe, just maybe, we could stop
these things called apathy and ignorance.

Really hope I’ll see this through. Anyone’s
welcome to help me out. =)

I am insanely naive, it’s not even funny anymore.

Christ Church College, Oxford University

My dream, or rather,  my goal, has always been to enter this place (Thanks to History Boys, I know shallow shallow). But you know what they say about pushing things too much. Sometimes, it doesn’t work out the way you should. But well, you know. =/

I boxed the idea a few months back, before I took my SPM, simply because I didn’t think I was good enough to enter this prestigious institution. So I was all complacent about studying locally.

I’ve had a few people saying I was being too overtly ambitious and that it didn’t matter where I study; it’s just how you take in what you learn. I guess they’re right in a way.

But lately I just got my drive back. I want to learn, learn and learn. To get into what I think is the best place for me to gain knowledge. To get the best education I can receive.

My results weren’t that great and I realize that. And I don’t even think I’d get the scholarship. But I’m hoping luck comes my way.

I’ve even picked a damn course to study haha. Philosophy, Politics and Economics. I’m crazy I know.

I miss studying. And I can’t wait to study things that I’d actually be interested in. Seriously, I can’t even remember half the things I learned in school, and I don’t know how I’ll utilize it in real life.

I should write on how banged up the education system in Malaysia is one day.

So yeah, I’d be pretty bummed if I didn’t get the scholarship I guess.

Oh yeah, and I dig acoustics. A way a lot. And Ben Harper rocks my world.

Missing Penang =< Wish I was still living there. But KL’s awesome too. =)

Oh yeah, ban the Olympics. It’s hypocritical. Whatever happened to human rights hey? You’d think these things wouldn’t happen in the 21st century.

I’m a hippie. Sue me.

First off:

A Million Little Pieces is one of the most engaging pieces of literature I have
ever read. My entire life. Pick it up right now and read it. It’s life
changing. The quote below, and most of my thoughts, are from delving into this
book. Books can influence me like nothing else can. Haha. Better books than MTV
I guess.

Lao-tzu says;

"Fame or integrity: which is more important? Money or happiness: which is
more valuable? Success or failure: which is more destructive? If you look to
others for fulfillment, you will never truly be fulfilled. If your happiness
depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what
you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing
lacking, the whole world belongs to you."

Live and let be.

I could never quite get what the quote above meant till lately. Slowly, I’m
getting complacent with how I am, who I am, where I am, and where I am going.
In fact, I’m not even thinking of where I am going. I have vague ideas, vague dreams.
I’ve done my part, and will keep on doing my part; and now I’m just living and
letting it be.

I don’t think I know myself just yet; but I’m getting there. I am accepting how
I am. I am accepting responsibility for my actions; because they are mine and I
made a choice to carry them out. I don’t try to take the easy way out; blame my
past or blame someone else for all the mistakes I have done. No more of those
"because you didn’t love me enough" or "because I saw him/her do
it", which I know I have done in the past. They are my own. And I’m
prepared to say that in the future I might make more mistakes. They are mine.
And I’ll try my best not to blame it on others.

For those I have wronged, I am truly sorry. There are no excuses for my
actions. For those who have wronged me, I am truly sorry as well. I can be
forgiving, but I can’t forgive someone who won’t admit their wrongs.

I don’t think I’m right at any given time; not even most of
the time. That’s just selfish and slightly arrogant. You can learn nothing from
being right. What we have are choices, what we have are opinions, and it’s our
obligation to respect other people’s way of life. I won’t force my way into
someone else’s life. In fact I won’t force anything. I’ll just live and let be.

I might be too young and stupid to make my own choices, but I hope one day I’ll
be given the opportunity to do so.

I’m not sure if I’ve made anyone proud of knowing me, of
being a part of my life. I don’t care much about that either. I don’t let
myself into someone’s life in order to get something in return. I’ve done a lot
of stuff people can consider as achievements. I’ve done a lot of stuff I
consider as mistakes. I don’t think I’m proud of any of them. As for my
achievements, I do it because I can. I’m not trying to prove anything to
anyone. Not to impress, not to have someone tell me things to soothe my ego,
not to make anyone proud of me.

I live with the satisfaction of knowing that I did a job
well done, and that I’ve done my part to the fullest. That I’ve done it
sincerely and honestly. That I didn’t wrong anyone whilst I was doing it. That
alone makes me happy.

I don’t feel as if I’ve changed, but if I did, it’s probably
for the better. I allow change to happen because it is a part of life. To
progress, we must evolve. I think I’m still me (even though I’m not sure who I
am), with some added changes.

I am young, I am learning. I’ll make a few mistakes, and
I’ll allow myself too, because I am human. Perfection is something I do not
want to achieve. I’m being realistic. At the moment, I’m surrounded by positive
people. People who make me happy. I’m glad they’re in my life. My family,
friends… it’s all good at the moment.

Thus the whole gaining a few kgs.

Can’t wait to start studying again. =D

Okay, I get it, serious posts are very annoying. Consider it
a lot of bull if you may. I know I do. I’m not even sure if I understand what I
just wrote. I was contemplating writing on politics, but you can check out
malaysiakini.com, thecicak.com, and other alternative news in order to know how
I feel about it. Haha.

Well, one thing I would say though, since the political
climate in this fine country we call Malaysia has been ripped apart, shredded,
and tore into pieces, waiting to be re-established, I might do my part in
building our country and consider joining politics. If we can clean it up by
the time I’m done studying.

I feel like doing something crazy, like going to Zaid
Ibrahim’s firm and asking him to sponsor me to study law overseas. Who knows, I
might do it. No, it’s not desperation. It’s called taking a chance.

At the moment, I’m waiting for the scholarship interview
lists to come out. I applied for three, hopefully I’ll get one. I’m not banking
on it though; my results are no where close to being outstanding.

I miss work. I miss my workmates. But I see them often
enough, and I am glad.

I miss my Penang friends
too ay! Was a blast when I went up. Hope to see y’all again soon! Let’s catch
up.

My life’s all dandy and peachy at the moment. And I’m not
being sarcastic at all. =)

There you go, Qisti, I updated because I have such
interesting things to say

kan?
-_-

Fulamak, skali I write it’s like so f’kin long. Pardon me.

I’ve read tons of book reviews, and
the name Haruki Murakami always pops up. But I’ve never really read his stuff
until a friend of mine gave me his book,
Norwegian Wood, for my birthday. I must say Lina; this is in extremely good
taste. Thank you, a thousand times.

Murakami flows with absolute imperfect
perfection, and his writings are not overpowering, not full of arrogance nor
was it trying to impress anyone. No big words, just little quotes that you
remember; and hope that one day you will put to good use. Pure, honest, it is
one of the most beautiful books I’ve ever read.

As a writer, you’d wish you’d get
to that level of sophistication where not many words are needed to get your
point across. And that you can capture and bottle emotions in your writings.

Murakami
succeeds in doing so. This, I suppose, is why he is one of the world’s greatest
living novelists.

“Death exists; not as an opposite of living but as a part of life.”

The quote above is the main theme
of the novel.

Feel free to make your own
interpretations of it. That’s what writings are for, are they not, to be subjective?

I can’t bring myself to write about
politics, global warming or whatever it is that happens in the global news. One
reason would be that I haven’t had those long talks with a friend who would
force me to care about such things, and the other would be that I’m in such a
relaxed mood these days; and thinking about things that are hard to fix would
just depress me.

I’m on holiday. I’m doing nothing. There’s
nothing waiting for me. I have no obligations. And I’m loving it.

Basically all I do is read and play
my guitar. But I’m quite contented, thank you very much.

Sometimes I miss high school;
sometimes I don’t. I miss the company probably. I loved my last year in school.
The future’s coming I suppose. I’ll take it with strides when it does.

Looking back at certain things that
have happened, I suppose Murakami’s explanation fits;

“When I was in the scene I hardly
paid it any attention. I never stopped to think of it as something that would
make a lasting impression.”

And he starts with; “Memory
is a funny thing.”

I’m sure a lot of people could
relate to this.

It’s been pretty peaceful, seeing
as I’m living in the big city. I’m not affected by it. Yet. I think malls are
insane places though, packed with people. Which hardly makes any sense to me.

Say, wouldn’t
it be nice if there was a sanatorium like the Ami Hostel?

So, Bersih
Demonstration at Merdeka Square.

(The media reported that there were only around 4,000
protesters, but actually mates, there were about 40,000.)

    Say, did any one actually catch
what our Information Minister, Zainuddin Maidin said to the lady reporter from
Al-Jazeera?

    To put it in colloquial terms, she
owned his ass man.

    To say it in a more professional
manner, one wonders what it takes to be an Information Minister. Fluency in
English (which is, in fact, the lingua franca of the world) is apparently not
one of the main criteria. In fact, I don’t think you need to be convincing and
be able to pull together a perfect sentence. And, you don’t have to give the
public and the mass media clear information on the happenings in the country.  Take a look at this transcript.

ZAM: ….I commend your journalists trying to project, to exaggerate
more than what actually happened. That, that, that, that’s it. We, we are not,
the, the — and I, I congratulate your journalists behaving like an actor, that,
that’s —

AJ: As you say that, sir, we’re watching scenes of protesters being sprayed
by chemical-filled water …

Full transcript at www.thecicak.com

     Basically, the cause they
were fighting for was justifiable. Fair elections. Something Malaysia lacks
in. In fact, I’ve never remembered Malaysia ever having a clean
election for…well, as long as I was aware of the term politics. This is a
classic example of freedom of speech being deterred.

  In
the Constitution, it states clearly that anyone, and everyone, has the freedom
of speech, as long as it doesn’t ignite racial riots, or anything that might
disturb the peace.

    Now the cause Bersih was fighting for was neither
racial in manner, nor were they threatening to Malaysia’s peace. In fact, they
were protesting for something good.

Why couldn’t the Government
just listen?

The Opposition hardly gets
enough press. Come election time, all the Malaysian media covers are that of
the government parties. What if the opposition has better issues? What if they
have better ideas in revamping Malaysia’s
economy? What if (cue shock gasps), they actually cared about the public?

    No, I am definitely not
saying that I’m gonna vote for PKR anytime soon. In fact, I can’t even vote for
another 4 years. But maybe, just maybe,
they could be the change that our country needs.

    Hell, I’m not even sure if I believe what I just
wrote. My personal and obnoxious opinion is that there is no party worth voting
for. One way or another, we’d either be fundamentalists or racist. Corruption
will still be rampant. Even so, I still think that listening to both parties
could make Malaysia a better country.

    RTM’s idea of damage control was to make it seem
like they were uneducated people protesting for nothing. The government seriously
needs a reality check. The public is no longer fooled by the propaganda and
lies that you spread in order to make yourselves look good.

    Malaysia is, by essence, a liberal and democratic country. And it’s about time we should
start acting like one. As Zam says, “You, you, you, you are here with the idea,
you are trying to project, what is your mind, you think that we are Pakistan, we are Burma,
we are Myanmar,
everything you, you are thinking …”

    No Zam, I don’t think the international press
thinks we’re about as bad as
Burma or Pakistan.
Putting things into people’s mouth is definitely not what our country needs.

So take a mickey out of other democratic countries,
and learn to listen.

In here, I will give my thoughts
and opinions on certain issues, my own perspective on the past, present and future.
This is my training ground into writing materials for my future ambition, which
is to become a journalist. In the future, I hope to write groundbreaking
materials.

 With my writings, I will begin my
search for self discovery; changing, rethinking and re-evaluate my opinions on
things. Moral ethics, faith, mental and emotional strength as well as personal
dilemmas will be questioned here.

 Musings about my daily life might
be posted up here every now and then.

 This is the point in life where I feel
like optimism is the only way we could ever achieve clarity and stability. What
is the use of, (not trying to put too much of a point on it) drowning yourself
in self-made misery? I had a great conversation with my cousin, who in my
opinion has been through a lot at such a young age. His outlook on life is
something to be admired and congratulated on, and I put him up in the highest
of regards.

 I have terrible flaws, which I’ve
come to terms with, meaning accepted. I cannot promise change will come easy,
or that it can be fixed overnight, but maybe with time, wisdom and more
experience comes a better Yasmin.

 I am Yasmin.

 I can be a big fucking asshole at
times, with the words I use and the way I project myself to people. I am
opinionated to the point of being annoying sometimes, trickled with self
righteousness. I am a bad listener, which I am sure people who are close to me
would know.

 I like being my age. No older, no
younger.

 I enjoy great conversations, and I also
need a lot of humility.

 I am not the cleverest person in
the world, and I am not always right.

 I cannot say that I know myself
now, because, well, it comes with the territory of being a teenager, is it not?

 I am idealistic, and I feel like changing
certain things in our society, as well as the world we live in today.

 But a promise I have made to
myself, on account of my dear parents’ advice, is that you cannot change your
surroundings if you cannot change yourself.

 So, with self improvement and the
desire to learn, coupled with a thirst to be a better person, hopefully I will
change myself and also make a difference in the world.

 This is Yasmin Abdullah’s blog.